1) How long does it take a woman to clean the toilet?
Who cares, as long as dinner is on the table by 6.
2) Why do women have small feet?
So they can get closer to the sink.
3) Pick the odd one out: a woman, a washing machine, a toaster and the garden hose?
The toaster, the rest leak when you fuck them.
4)Why did the woman cross the road?
That’s not the point, why wasn’t she chained to the bed?
5) Why can’t women get their drivers licences?
Because there’s no road from the kitchen to the laundry.
6) What do a woman and a condom have in common?
They’re both either in your wallet or on your dick.
7) What do you say to a woman who has two black eyes?
Nothing, she has already been told twice.
8) What is the difference between a ‘”Battery'” and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
9) What does a beer bottle and a guy have in common?
There both empty from the neck up.
10) What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes silence.
11) Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So they can get air to their brain.
12) What’s a man’s idea of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
13) How many men does it take to pop a pan of popcorn?
Four, one to hold the pan and 3 to shake to stove.
14) What’s the definition of a woman?
A woman is a life support system for a vagina